Monday, September 12, 2005 9:50 AM
In a stunning exposé released just this morning, Peter's internet connection speed was found to have been fluctuating in recent weeks, say experts at Shaw Cable Victoria.
This astounding discovery was made during a routine check on the high-speed modem, which had been stopped by authorities when it failed to deliver the morning email. Shaw Cable's advisory alert system was immediately upgraded to "Paisley", and citizens are advised to stay indoors until Del the repair guy comes round tomorrow probably between 8 and 5.
A distraught and visibly shaken Mr. Tyrrell was unavailable for comment but has received extra coffee ration and was last seen shucking his wordly vestments in favour of sackcloth and ashes.